the weakness in me
by Maroon-dragon
Summary: the first two are bella and Jasper their views on the affair they are having...and the others are one-shots I wrote about the couple...with different storylines...please give me some advice on how to improve...and whether you liked the oneshots...
1. The weakness in me

**I was just listening to the song and I found it just perfect for a Alice/Jasper/Bella one-shot….hope you will like it…I'm still working on my other story also though….so don't think I've stopped with that one……**

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nada….**

She looked at me with those dazzling eyes of hers. She would never be able to tell me what their original color had been but I didn't care. She was beautiful, my wife, my best friend. She had my affection the moment I met her.

And then there was Bella. She had her own style and smelled delicious. She belonged to Edward and yet she loved me. Well she loved to sleep with me.

_**I'm not the sort of person who falls in and quickly out of love  
but to you, I give my affection, right from the start.  
I have a lover who loves me - how could I break such a heart?  
Yet still you get my attention.**_

I was getting tired from my lies. I loved Alice and I knew that I could never leave her; I hated Bella for doing this to me! To her! Yet I couldn't say she was the only one to blame. When she called me or when she dropped by I knew she came for me and she would feel hurt when I pointy wrapped my arm around Alice. Alice was so clueless and so was Edward. We wanted to quit and we had tried but the need to be with her was terrible. My mood would slowly switch from perfectly happy to a thundering hell in seconds. And she was just as miserable.

_**Why do you come here, when you know I've got troubles enough?  
Why do you call me, when you know I can't answer the phone?  
Make me lie when I don't want to,  
and make someone else some kind of an unknowing fool?  
Make me stay when I should not?  
If you're so strong then resolve the weakness in me.  
Why do you come here, and pretend to be just passing by?  
I need to see you - I need to hold you - tightly. **_

I was having bad day dreams of her finding out. I felt so guilty. Every time she hugged me, kissed me, hell even if she made love to me the hurt of my betrayal would flare up in my chest. I loved her so damn much. How could I do this to her! Yet when I had Bella in my arms. And when we hugged kissed and made love I forgot all that. I loved Alice and I had been with her for so long. I was bound to her, yet Bella was so hard to resist. I was a glutton for bad things apparently. I needed both. The security from Alice, and the thrill from Bella.__

_**Feeling guilty,  
worried, waking from tormented sleep  
this old love has me bound,  
but the new love cuts deep.  
If I choose now, I'll lose out;  
One of you has to fall...  
I need you, and you.**_

There she was again. Entering the house and asking Alice whether she wanted to go shopping with her next week, but I felt it. I craved those feelings of love and lust after being denied them for so long. Alice, my dear sweet Alice jumped with joy and started to make plans immediately not knowing she was going with the woman that slept with me when there was a chance. The woman I couldn't deny a thing knowing that she held my heart. My torn heart. She held one piece while Alice held the other. I had to lose one piece and I knew which one I should lose. That piece was unavailable. She was married to my brother. Had a daughter and was my wife's best friend. But I felt it. The way she cradled that piece of my heart in her delicate hands. She had it in her possession together with the one of her husband. I could feel her being torn up in the same way as I was.

_**Why do you come here, when you know I've got troubles enough?  
Why do you call me, when you know I can't answer the phone?  
make me lie when I don't want to,  
And make someone else some kind of an unknowing fool?  
You make me stay when I should not?  
Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me.  
Why do you come here, and pretend to be just passing by?  
I need to see you - I need to hold you - tightly.  
**_

The thrill and love was there as she wrapped her arms around my neck as I moaned into her mouth. This was wrong on so many levels and yet I didn't care. She gave me the love I craved so much, she gave me a rush of excitement. A piece of peace in my unruly and wild existence. I craved her like nothing else. I was always so strong, but she really was the weakness in me.

**I know this isn't the way the story goes and I know that Jasper is happily in love with Alice and bladdy bladdy bla. I know! So if you don't like it don't read it. Criticize my work on things like my style or something not on the plot. BTW the song is the weakness in me, Joan Armatrading**_**  
**_


	2. Real

**This is the partner-story of the weakness in me. This time it is Bella her view on her relation with Edward and her affair with Jasper….It took me a while to find a song that I wanted to use for her thoughts on it…the song is called real sung by plumb. **

As I looked into the mirror I couldn't help but frown. I was gorgeous no doubt about it, but I wasn't real. I was some sort of fairy tale and as much as I loved those it wasn't what I wanted. My twenty third birthday had come and gone. I didn't like to celebrate it as a human and definitely not as a vampire. I hated it when I was with Edward because it had meant that I was growing older when he wasn't, but now as a vampire I could understand Rosalie her desperation more. I would never see anything change anymore. Yes, I could straighten my hair and put on different clothes and make-up but that didn't change a thing. I wasn't real.

_Look at me I'm twenty three  
Beautiful a sight to see  
Tonight_

As I pulled on the tight black dress I looked again in the mirror. I may just not be real but the person who I was going to was. He was gorgeous but had his flaws unlike some other people I knew. He craved me unlike any other thing in the world and he loved me unlike anyone in the world. I loved Edward don't get me wrong, but my heart wasn't entirely his anymore. I now cradled two hearts and so did he.

_A little dress to draw the press  
And I'll be leaving  
All the rest behind  
_

As I locked the door of the cottage behind me I locked with that the heart of one man. I left my whole family and my commitments to them there. They had no place in where I was going. I needed peace from everything and I craved that so much I was willing to risk my family and so was he.

I entered the Cullen-mansion and was immediately bowled over by Alice. A little piece of me shattered when I saw him wrap his arms around her waist and kiss her temple. 'he wasn't mine.' I chanted, hoping that for once I would believe myself. Because I knew I had him. I had a fragment of his heart.

_Well be pleased girl  
If this is what you wanted  
The whole world is watching you take the stage  
What will you say_

To say I was happy would be far from it. I felt on a stage every day until I could flee into his arms. Keeping my mind undecided so no one would suspect a thing. I had wanted this for so long and the first year I was a vampire it went well. Then the reality set in and I was bowled over by fears and the acting started. Only he saw through me and so we started the affair. I saw him for who he was and he saw me. We were at peace. Yin and Yang only to be divided by rules and other people their hearts. We owed those people so much, yet we did it. I always wondered what people would say when they found out.

_Aren't I lovely  
And do you want me cause  
I am hungry for something that will make me real  
Can you see me and  
Do you love me cause  
I am desperately searching for something  
Real_

I was so lovely. That was what everyone said. The truth was I had lost myself with it. I had never been beautiful and graceful and I had characterized myself with that. Now I didn't know what I was. I was a fairy tale come true and I needed something real to see myself again. When I was with him he could see my blush again because he could feel it. He could see my clumsiness reappear as I made the mistake again and again by sleeping with him. He gave me my humanity back.

_I close my eyes imagine time  
Will not forget  
My sacrifice_

I sacrificed so much to get me where I was. How could people not understand that what they saw wasn't me anymore. I loved my role of a mother and wife but I craved humanity. I loved being a vampire and all the abilities I got with it. I was so torn up. I decorated my empty life with studies and being the perfect mother and wife but I wasn't. Far from it even. When he first saw through me I felt like I was naked for everyone to see. Like I was standing on a stage a beam on me showing me for what I was; a scared woman, no a scared girl. And he nursed me when he could. Soothed me when needed and he cared for me. Edward had been right all along to be jealous of him. With his abilities he had been able to read what was hidden for everyone else and made him take a step closer to my heart and take it.

_I numb the ache and decorate  
My emptiness  
Stand naked in the light_

Well be pleased world  
If this is what you wanted  
This young girl is everything that you made  
What will she say

I was the epitome of beauty and perfection. I was a shadow of my former self. Yet with it came a great actress to fill up the shadow. To make it move on its own accord. To show everyone how happy I was. Be pleased everyone cause you have created what you wanted me to be. He was the only one who wondered what the real Bella was screaming behind the shadows. How she was wandering through the darkness in a hopeless search of her old self. And just as I was about to give up he interjected and saved a bit of my old self. I was grateful for Edward and what he had done and I loved him, but it was Jasper who saved me. Edward always saved me from the danger from outside but it was Jasper who had saved me from the biggest danger in the world. Myself.

_Aren't I lovely  
And do you want me cause  
I am hungry for something that will make me real  
Can you see me and  
Do you love me cause  
I am desperately searching for something  
Real_

The world goes home  
The lights go down  
My lipstick fades  
Away

As soon as everyone was gone he picked me up took me to the room and the lights went off. The show was over. My lipstick faded as it ended up on his lips. I was resting here. This was my place to give me the energy I needed to continue playing. To keep up the charade. As he entered my body I arched into him. Giving him access to the rest of my body. As he kissed me on the spot my unbeating heart was I was sure I could feel it beat just very softly. It was Edward who gave me my life but it was Jasper who gave me humanity.

_Aren't I lovely  
And do you want me cause  
I am hungry for something that will make me real  
Can you see me and  
Do you love me cause  
I am desperately searching for something  
Real_

As I looked into the mirror with him behind me, his arms wrapped securely around my waist I saw something different. Given to me by the man behind me. The one that made me torn up between my family and friends and my husband and him. I saw not a fairy tale. I saw a real woman, A normal human woman. In the arms of the man she loved.

**Well this was it please rate and review….and if you hadn't already please also read the weakness in me…about Jasper his point of view. **


	3. You're in ruins

A/N I own nothing but the plot….sad but true….

I stumbled down the slope and into the river below. Yes me, Bella, vampire extraordinary, wife of the most wanted single man in forks in history Edward Cullen. A vampire stumble? Well I guess that happens when your husband, the one that literally promised eternity with you decides to sleep with one of the persons that was willing to grant you that eternity herself. A vampire with a grace that made many jealous. We are speaking of the one and only Alice Cullen.

The water felt mellow to my cold skin and as I sat there in the middle of the river I realized how broken I really was. AS all my anger was taken away by the water all that was left of me was a broken woman. Not the strong vampire, but the wife that gave all for the man she loved and was betrayed in the worst way possible. 40 years of my life had I dedicated to him, as I saw all my relatives die one by one because I had chained myself to an unfaithful husband. Something flickered in my eyesight and I grimaced as I looked at the ring that he had given me. I pulled it off with a force strong enough to break it. And as I crushed the metal my eyes burned with venom. Oh how I wished I could cry. My mouth opened up and a strong heartwrenching sound erupted from my throat. Screaming out the pain that I felt inside my heart.

Do you know what's worth fighting for,  
When it's not worth dying for?  
Does it take your breath away  
And you feel yourself suffocating?  
Does the pain weigh out the pride?  
And you look for a place to hide?  
Did someone break your heart inside?  
You're in ruins

Why did happiness always seem to come with the bad. There was never no pain attached to my happiness. Why did I still stay here, why did I fight for a love that was never worth putting my life on the line for. I felt like I was suffocating, even when I did not need to breath. My pride was hurt but the heart shattering feeling I felt inside weighed out just about everything else. Why couldn't I just run, leave my life behind and start over again? I had my life here and the rest of them did not deserve it for me to leave because of him. I was broken, torn apart and ready to give up. Yet I would never let him win. It was not possible for me to give up the fight as much as I wanted to.

One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms  
Give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky,  
You and I

I heard footsteps nearing the place I was currently occupying and a heartfelt pain washed over me. As I saw jasper stumble into the clearing I realized that he was just as broken as I was. Our mates had betrayed us. He seemed to have lost all sense of direction as he crashed into the river not resurfacing. I reached out to him, pulling him into my arms and let him dry-sob into my arms. I seemed to have stopped feeling entirely as I remembered the face of my previous love of my life. I was numb to any emotion really. As I felt him stop his sobbing he looked me in the eyes. The look was portraying the things I felt. The pure feeling of being lost. Edward had been my rock, my lighthouse out in a misty sea, the captain that controlled the vessel that was me, he had been my everything. My peace, just like Alice was his. And now that had ended. No more fairytale life for me. All that was left were two people out in an open sea of despair crying out for someone to come back, yet at the same time hoping they would never come back. My mind was broken, the barrier within me shattered and the faith I had in everything I believed in was standing on the brink of destruction. Nothing was meant to last everyone always told me, yet I had hoped that things between me and Edward would. I had been certain of that for almost 42 years.

When you're at the end of the road  
And you lost all sense of control  
And your thoughts have taken their toll  
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul  
Your faith walks on broken glass  
And the hangover doesn't pass  
Nothing's ever built to last  
You're in ruins.

Broken, beaten and soaked to the bone we stayed there. The night fell and yet we didn't move. Daylight began to break through the star-filled sky. The reddish and orange colored light casting beautiful light paterns across the water making us sparkle. The scene was beautiful except for the terrible ache that was trying to consume me. I felt like the whole world had crashed down upon me and was suffocating me. The first time that Edward had left me I had been broken and a scar of that had always remained, now it seemed he had been hell bent on crushing every bit of my heart into dust. Letting it fly away with the northern wind that flew through the village. I wished that would be possible for it would make it possible for me not to feel. This wouldn't pass, this time he could not and would not come back. And I didn't want him too either I suppose. Jasper pulled away from me and I already missed the stability he had provided for me. He understood he went through the exact same emotions. They both had created a world for us that we had wanted to be part of and then shattered it into oblivion.

One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms  
Give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky,  
You and I

Did you try to live on your own  
When you burned down the house and home?  
Did you stand too close to the fire?  
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

As we neared the house I could feel him convulse and double over in the emotions radiating from it. It was impossible not to care for him and I quickly went to his side and kept him up as we entered the house. It was death silent when we entered and I couldn't help but wonder what everyone was thinking. I heard a moan coming from the living room, and I found Edward on the ground clutching his head and the rest of the family, Alice excluded stare at him. Apparently I didn't need to have his ability to know how angry they were, his pained expression was enough. I didn't feel any emotions except for a dull ache when I found myself staring into the eyes that used to dazzle me. "Bella, please. It meant nothing to me, nothing like you mean to me….It was just for the thrill that I did it, my heart was never involved." He ground out still clutching his head. An angry gasp came from upstairs, which I suppose was Alice her indignation. I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for her as I realized that she was also a victim to his game. She cheated yes, and I would never forgive her for how she hurt Jasper, but to Edward she had never been more than a mere pawn in his chess game. I was his queen, to him I was everything but the pawns were the things he could lord over as their king. He grasped my hands, trying to plead with me to forgive him, to understand his reasons. I pulled my hands out of his and softly cradled his face. He was still trying to get me to give him the loving emotions I used to give him, and leaned into my soft touch. The fact was he was looking from forgiveness from a stone, my heart had solidified, not willing to bend anymore. My cradling suddenly wasn't so soft anymore and a small crunching sound could be heard as his skull started to slowly crack. Suddenly a calm emotion made me surrender and I let go. Edward moved away from me faster than I had ever seen him do before.

When it's time to live and let die  
And you can't get another try  
Something inside this heart has died  
You're in ruins.

It was time to let go. He would never be in my life anymore. He would never get another try. He had ruined me and there was no turning back. I would rise up again like a phoenix being reborn. But that would take a long time and I would never allow him back in my life again. As I turned around my eyes found Jasper his golden ones and I smiled a small smile. One reserved only for him. He had become my confident and best friend after 40 years of being a vampire. And Alice and Edward breaking it off was the best thing they could have done. I would finally be able to get together with the man I adored. The man that had been take by my best friend and broken. I would finally be able to start the relationship I always wanted with Jasper. Nessie and Jacob would understand, they had known for a long time now. I had loved Edward, but my heart had also belonged with Jasper and I had his. We had never been wanting to ruin the love we had with our original partners…but now they had made the choice so easy. They had given us a reason. No Edward would never be able to get back in my heart, that part had died but another had just blossomed.

One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms  
Give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms  
Give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky,  
You and I

As I grabbed Jasper his hand a tingling sensation came over me. "Let's start again Jasper, Just you and I." I whispered. And as I let the wind blow away the crushed pieces of my heart that Edward had ruined, I let Jasper make my other part beat lively and anew with his love.

A/N sorry I just reaaaally wanted to post it…please let me know what you think : ) xxx


	4. king of bloke and bird

I had been a rising star among the men in the army. The civil war had given me a way to enter the history books. The sudden death of a great mayor. Mayor Whitlock, the youngest one in history. Now I was nothing. I was pathetic. Killing for pleasure yet it brought me none. The thirst was quelled but my heart wasn't**. **

_**What you do speaks so loud  
I cannot hear what you say  
Except for the occassional word  
Sulphates a sentimental sight it bothers me  
No longer king of bloke and bird**_

I was no longer the best. I was the trusted right man of Maria and in some ways I was her lover. I was envied by many for my looks and the power I had, but I felt or heard nothing of it. I was no longer the best. I was a killer that killed for nothing anymore. Their emotions killed me inside. So perhaps I did kill for a reason; I killed to kill myself. To kill the human that was inside of me, because I wasn't human. I was an animal, not even that. I was a monster. Mayor Jasper Whitlock, the youngest mayor ever, was nothing more than a lowlife monster. No longer did I rule. I was now a humble servant of my own tortured mind.  
_**  
All of my life**_  
_**Searching hard  
Down in the wires  
Of love**_

I wanted it, no I craved what Maria gave me. I always knew I was quite handsome. In the army I was admired for my skill with the sword, but when we went out for a night to rewind I was admired for whole other reasons. Yet I wanted something more. More than the meaningless flings I had in the bars. Maria gave me that, some steadiness in my life full of rage. The only emotions I ever had encountered after becoming this thing were rage, fear, shock and all the other emotions that belong to the blackest side of a human, or a vampire. Yet when my darkest side was close to consuming me I saw Peter and Charlotte love each other and I knew there had to be something else out there.

_**Summer me now summer my life away  
Summon me on to another day**_

A hand through the clouds keeps  
knocking me down  
It's no less than I deserve  
They built museums I don't visit them  
I've made enough trouble of my own

And so, as the days past,. I went with them. I felt like I was asking for torture. Their emotions were so strong and I wanted that. To experience it for myself and not second handed. I tried to get a bit better. Tried to get out of my depression in the civilized north. But all I had ever known was instant gratification and I needed just that. There was no question about if there was another way to get food. I needed human blood. Animal's blood smelt wrong and I was so used to the heavenly taste of human blood. I sank deeper and deeper into the ocean of my depression. The emotions of those insignificant humans brought back memories I had to relive too many times. The gross sweet smell of burning newborns, their screams as I ripped them apart, Maria arching into me as I showed her my "other" skills. The scared feelings that radiated off them were terrible but not the worst part. It was the emotion in the end of acceptance and the small smile on their face that accompanied it. They were sad that they had died but they had lived a happy life. They didn't have the nightmares I was troubled with; I didn't need to sleep to relive those memories. They were etched into my mind as the horrors unfolded themselves. I loved history because I knew I had my own, yet I didn't visit the museums. I didn't need to read what they had placed under my picture, because whatever it was it could never explain the hell I had ended up in._**  
**_

_**Into the night  
Searching hard  
Look for the light  
Of love  
**_

I went out at night, looking for a way to get my other urges full filled. They were great, the whores, I admit and I learned to keep myself in check so I wouldn't break their bones while I fucked them. My "skills" I had never lost and the fact that I was stunning made them all too willing. There were a few that recoiled at the sight of my scars when they felt them on my skin, the last thing those people would feel would be my teeth sinking into their neck and draining them. Others I would fully pleasure until they were nearly a sleep. Nobody cared, they were only whores. Yet I cared more for them as their death wasn't accepted as my other "normal" victims.

Then there was that one day. It was a rainy day so for once I decide to go outside and act normal. It was a stupid coincidence that I stepped into that specific diner and yet I did. I smelled her before I saw her. She was small, energetic and the emotions that came of her drew me towards her. Before I could take a step she had already walked up to me. "You've kept me waiting a long time." She smiled. My southern drawl and manners hadn't vanished much. "I'm sorry m'dam." And I took her hand. She would change my future I knew it. For the first time I felt hope and a small flare of what Charlotte and Peter had made me feel. We left for the Cullens that same week and she explained a lot to me. We were comfortable together, and on the way towards my destiny she showed me to eat animals for the first time. She was unlike anything I had ever met before and I enjoyed it. It gave me a bit of peace from all the struggles I was facing. As she continued talking about the Cullens I felt a certain apprehension. Would that be my life. Being in a group of vampires I did not know. A group that was weak from drinking too much animal blood.

I was shocked when I first saw the Cullens. They didn't look weak to me, they only seemed vital and most of all happy. In the years following that they proved me just how strong they really were. I made many mistakes along the way, yet they never strayed from their diet. I felt so weak. I married Alice, a mistake I never should have made. I had known she loved me so much more than I loved her. Yet I did it. I craved it so much. I needed that feeling that she had given me the day she had entered my life. She was like a gulp of breath after being suffocated for too long. It was an ironic idea seeing as I didn't need to breath any more. I had lost so much humanity that sometimes I lost it. I needed to be alone at those moments, locking myself away in the library. The books always made me feel calm. The way I could leave my terrible life. In every book I traveled to different times, other worlds, different people. I could lose myself in them. The others never understood. Emmett and Alice had too much energy to keep themselves absorbed in a book for longer than an hour. Rosalie was too busy with her looks and other things. She designed clothes and such. Edward felt the same passion I had only in music; He could get lost in a complicated piece of Mozart. I could understand his passion for the piano as I had it for the guitar.

_**Summer me now summer my life away  
Summon me on to another day**_

Summer the evening, winter ways  
are falling down again  
I sing from the chaos in my heart, my heart

I wrote a lot of songs in that time. Trying to find some form of release. I hated Edward the most in the beginning. The other all had a lot of positive energy flowing around them but not him. He was so depressed and was very touchy when it came to things that went wrong. I hated that. Whenever I slipped up I would feel his resentment towards me grow even more. I was a danger to the family, why should I stay there? But he never spoke a word of it. He loved Alice like a sister, perhaps even a little bit more. He never acted upon it seeing as she was married to me. Alice was also drawn to Edward.

I had once hit her. She had entered the library when I was in one of my darker days. I had warned them all to stay away. To let me vent it on something else, so I wouldn't go against one of them. They had all understood. But her love and care for me had made her go in anyway. I had lost it when she asked me if I was fine. I would never be fine! Didn't she understand? The moment my hand collided with her cheek I knew I had done something terrible. Edward was inside in a second knocking me out of the way before I could strike again. I never would. She looked at me with those broken eyes, but worst of all she blamed herself for the monster that I was. I left the house that day. I went up to the mountains to the very top. The everlasting snow sparkled in the sun light and so did I. I stayed there for 20 days and nights contemplating what I had done. I hunted five times in those days.

The foxes up there tasted heavenly. They were the best thing I had eaten in a long while. Yet there was one I could not eat. It was a silver female fox. She was stunning and when she looked up at me with frightened brown eyes I just crumpled down and let her run. Those eyes were the thing that kept me sane in all the years after that. It was strange that an animal could make all the difference. She had been a beauty, but so were a lot of others. What had made that one fox so different? I mean I had always shown utmost respect for nature and it's animals. More than I had sometimes shown for people or vampires. But the fox had something. That had been my turning point. I made it down the slope back to humanity. I apologized to Alice for a thousand times and she understood. She accepted me with open arms. Even Edward his anger towards me had diminished. Perhaps Alice had talked to him.

When we visited the Denali clan they were obviously interested in my history but I could not tell them. The Cullens had been tough enough, they didn't need to know of my evil deeds. I was not only scared of their opinion but also of the feeling of rejection they might project. Tanya had been obviously attracted to Edward and as blunt as he was he declined. She then turned her attention to me even though she knew I was married to one of her friends. Alice didn't like her very much after that.

I mainly hunted in that time. Making sure to be out of the house as much as possible. The Denali clan lived in a very secluded area and I loved it there. No humans to tamper with my bloodlust but plenty of animals. The brown eyes of the fox still haunted me and even Edward had asked me about them. I politely told him to get the fuck out of my head.

We went back to forks not much later. I spent another three weeks up that mountain and after a while the fox returned. For some reason she liked me, unlike other animals. It started out slowly she would sit in the bushes watching me sit there in the pale sunlight. After that she moved closer walking around me. Then finally she sat down beside me and when I held out my hand to pet her she let me. As we sat there in the moonlight that night I realized that she was even more beautiful up close. Her brown eyes contained several different shades and her fur gleamed a silver white in the light that shone upon it. With every move she made I saw her muscles ripple under her skin. She was gorgeous. It may seem weird that I liked this animal so much, but it was nice to know that something trusted me completely. She didn't flip out when I came close she just closed her eyes and leaned into my touch. She was a strange little animal but then again nothing was normal in this world. I wasn't normal.

_**Then comes the evening that  
makes life worth living  
Shoving the shoes out in the light  
She walks in, I can hear her**_

Then_ she_ entered my life. She wasn't plain but she wasn't strikingly beautiful either. I had seen her in my history class bend over the book she was reading. Her smell was so delicious that I could almost feel her blood in my mouth. She was sinful. The next time I saw her it was lunchtime. She looked up and followed us with her eyes. The eyes! They were the same shades as the fox. I felt her being drawn to our table. Edward was irritated. "I can't read her!" he whined. I was shocked yet very, very, intrigued. The moment Edward took her to our home and she laid her eyes on me I felt the same feelings wafting of her. We met secretly after that. I was jealous beyond anything when she was dating Edward. But when we met up on the days the others went hunting I didn't care. Edward only though he was the first to take her running. It wasn't true. The first time was with me when we went up the mountain. The fox stayed away that day. Bella and I shared something entirely different from what I had felt with Alice. She loved me like there was nothing else in the world. More than Edward I knew. She lusted after me. The strange thing was that I felt the same things but I also wanted to protect her from getting harmed. When her birthday came around and she cut her finger I wanted to go over to her and to take care of her. Edward thought I wanted to eat her! He attacked me and evoked such a great anger in me I snapped at him. I felt everyone their anger towards me, which made mine even more prominent. He had hurt her more than that scrap of paper had done and I couldn't comfort her because she belonged to him. But then one heavy emotion crashed into me and I caught her eyes. She was scared for me. I was causing her to panic, I stopped.

The nest day Edward the jackass decided we should leave. Two weeks after he left I returned. She welcomed me back with open arms. I had divorced Alice. She had understood. She had known. We were still good friends and cared for one another but it would be a while before she could be totally comfortable with me. When Edward returned Bella told him what had happened and Edward strangely enough accepted it. Not so much as two months later he was dating Alice.

Now 10 years later Bella and I are still very much in love. We have a little daughter called Renesmee. She was a miracle, something Jacob black agreed on. The family is back in forks again and Bella is one of us. We are one big happy coven. I never slipped up since I met Bella. I came close a few times but Bella supported me and thus I pulled through. Bella taught me everything I needed to get back to humanity. She changed me for the better and I owe her my existence. The fox I never saw again but it didn't matter. The haunting eyes ceased when Bella came into my life. I never believed much in destiny before I met her. Now she is my life now and I can't bear it to be without her or my beautiful daughter. We are a family and those people, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, Alice and last but not least Bella and Renesmee, gave me the peace I longed for so much. I have seen a lot of suffering in my life but they made it all worth it.

**Well this is my entry I hope you guys like it**


	5. Angels on the moon

_Do you dream that the world will know your name,  
So tell me your name (tell me your name)  
And do you care, about all the little things,  
Or anything at all (or anything at all),_

She swayed to the song. Twirling around her arms wrapped around her body. The water lapped at her feet as the setting sun made her shimmer. The silence was only broken by the sound of the moving ocean and the melody that rose from her throat. A sound of tinkling bells. He raked a hand through his blond curls as he saw her eyes brim with tears that would never fall, because they couldn't. He understood her pain, because he felt it. Isabella, beauty, that she was. She was a fallen Angel.

_I wanna feel all the chemicals inside,  
I wanna feel (I wanna feel),  
I wanna sunburn just to know that I'm alive,  
To know I'm alive (to know if I'm alive),_

Her eyes looked haunted, glassy and so far, far away. She was a dancing corpse. Her heart was ripped to pieces, shattered, trampled on. She had now an eternity in hell thanks to her husband. He had taken all she had, and given nothing in return. She couldn't die. She couldn't burn in the sun to feel any physical pain. She couldn't exhaust her body and fall asleep. But she was dying, dying inside.

_Don't tell me if I'm dying,  
Cause I don't wanna know,  
If I can't see the sun,  
Maybe I should go,  
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming,  
Of angels on the moon,  
Where everyone you know,  
Never leaves too soon_

They both wanted to dream their days away he supposed. They didn't want to admit to the pain they felt right now. He was as broken as she, but he at least had been growing apart from his wife for years. She had believed to be happily in love until a month ago when her husband and his wife left together. They didn't even say goodbye personally. They just wrote a letter.

_Do you believe in the day that you were born,  
Tell me do you believe, (do you believe)  
And do you know that every day's the first of the rest of your life,  
_

She would be 60 now, he didn't even want to think of how old he was. Every day she would remember that she had given a man 52 years of her life, to be left in misery. She still looked gorgeous, there on the beach. Silently wishing to be put out of her misery. His heart broke over and over again for the dying girl.

_Don't tell me if I'm dying,  
Cause I don't wanna know,  
If I can't see the sun,  
Maybe I should go,  
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming,  
Of angels on the moon,  
Where everyone you know,  
Never leaves too soon,  
_  
He didn't want to think about it anymore. So he rose to his feet and walked up to her. Immediately her walls were drawn up by the sound of his footsteps, but when he spoke they fell just as fast. "Let me have this dance Isabella." And she took his outstretched hand. The spark flew, they were used to it. They always had that spark.

_This is to one last day in the shadows,  
And to know a brothers love,  
This is to New York City angels,  
And the rivers of our blood,  
This is to all of us,  
To all of us,  
_

As they swayed to the music that welled up out of their throats. His low tones mixing with her high ones and for that moment the pain disappeared. They were just one. Two pieces of broken hearts that joined together in that final moment. The light that bounces of their skin was beautiful as they created rainbows. This was for them only.

_So don't tell me if I'm dying,  
Cause I don't wanna know,  
If I can't see the sun,  
Maybe I should go,  
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming,  
Of angels on the moon,  
Where everyone you know,  
Never leaves too soon,_

Yeah you can tell me,  
All your thoughts about the stars,  
That fill polluted skies,  
And show me where you run to,  
When no one's left to take your side  
But don't tell me where the road ends,  
Cause I just don't wanna know,  
No, I don't wanna know,

They didn't want to think of dying, all that matters was them right now. The endless possibilities that suddenly arose gave them a new image to adjust to. A picture where they were together. Not broken, not hurting, but happy. Many obstacles they would meet. But they didn't want to know where the road could end. This was for them only.

_Don't tell me if I'm dying,  
Don't tell me if I'm dying_.

He watched as he saw Jasper and Bella sway on the beach. It hurt but as he and Alice turned around, Edward found that the world was at peace again.

**Song: Thriving Ivory- Angels on the moon. Please R&R : ) **


	6. making love out of nothing at all

**AN: I was listening to this song of air supply and the story just popped into my head. For those who do not know it it's called Making love out of nothing at all. Please listen to it on the background….it will set the mood for the story just right :P.**

"Keep your hands off me Edward! I am sick of pretending for the sake of the people out there!" She whispered standing in front of the window dry-sobbing.

"It's killing us all this elaborated scheme of yours!"

With those words said she fled from the room. To the arms that held all the answers.

I know just how to whisper  
And I know just how to cry  
I know just where to find the answers  
And I know just how to lie  
I know just how to fake it  
And I know just how to scheme  
I know just when to face the truth  
And then I know just when to dream

Fifty years she was a vampire now, she had gotten her eternity, just not with the man she was married to. The family had been falling apart by the time Renesmee left with Jacob, evoking the anger of Edward. It had been the last drop that he had wanted to stand in the way of her daughters happiness. She didn't blame Renesmee for keeping contact sporadicly with her but ignoring everyone else. The Cullen family was not the same anymore. Edward had become to controlling for her to breath, Alice had left for Asia claiming her real mate was somewhere leaving Jasper heartbroken. Rosalie and Emmett were still the same, but Edward his anger towards Renesmee had ensued a fight between him and Rosalie, Emmett stood by her side hating him for hurting me. Esme and Carlisle knew not who to choose and situations were tense. It was the truth, I had lost my dreams of how it would be to reality.

And I know just where to touch you  
And I know just what to prove  
I know when to pull you closer  
And I know when to let you loose  
And I know the night is fading  
And I know the time's gonna fly  
And I'm never gonna tell you  
Everything I gotta tell you  
But I know I gotta give it a try

She traced the scar in his neck, a straight and perfect line when he had tried to claw his own skin off. She had stopped him. He drew her into his arms, she hugged him closer. She felt him breath into her hair, taking in his rich spicy scent that told stories of centuries ago. She felt him toy with her hair and breathing in the scent of apples that clung to it. She proved him she was there with him, for the rest of life. He had been on the brink of insanity and sometimes went to that dark place and she let him, knowing he could never ever live truly if he refused to remember. The first night with him was such a different experience and now almost 15 years later she still felt like that first time. How time had passed them by. She was silent not needing to tell him what she was thinking, just holding him.

And I know the roads to riches  
And I know the ways to fame  
I know all the rules  
And I know how to break 'em  
And I always know the name of the game  
But I don't know how to leave you  
And I'll never let you fall  
And I don't know how you do it  
Making love out of nothing at all

She had been everywhere in the world. Asia, Europe, Africa, South, north west. She had seen all kinds of wonders and cruelty. She knew etiquettes, spoke 7 languages and she knew how to hurt people. Yet nothing in the world felt more like home than in his arms. She could never leave this place. She needed the peace he provided in turbulent times. He was her anchor, her beacon on a cloudy night, her foghorn calling for her at sea. She didn't know how he did it, they had been least compatible it seemed but somehow love blossomed and she felt safe and secure.

Making love, Out of nothing at all  
Making love, Out of nothing at all  
Making love, Out of nothing at all  
Making love, Out of nothing at all  
Making love, Out of nothing at all  
Making love, Out of nothing at all

Everytime I see you all the rays of the sun  
Are streaming through the waves in your hair  
And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes  
Like a spotlight

As the moonlight entered the house his skin started to sparkle and she marveled again at how beautiful he was. His amber eyes focused on her face, taking in the tiny details, smiling when he found her smile. His smile always lit up his eyes, it was her personal miracle.

The beating of my heart is a drum and it's lost  
And it's looking for a rhythm like you  
You can take the darkness from the pit of the night  
And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright

I've gotta follow it 'cause everything I know  
Well it's nothing till I give it to you

Her foghorn had called when he was at his worst, screaming for her to help him. And he had lit up like a beacon when she had done so. When their love ignited the flame and lighted up everything. She knew he was death, but when she held him close she could swear their hearts were beating the same rhythm. He was the drummer that made it beat. And she was dancing to it, turning, twirling.

I can make tonight forever  
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn  
I can make you every promise that has ever been made  
I can make all your demons be gone

She always claimed he had saved her, and he always said she had helped him not the other way around. He had desperately clung to her and she had promised him she would stay. She had not broken her promise. She had unofficially married him three years later. She still had the necklace that kept her simple ring on it. Nothing fancy just as they liked it. She chased his demons away and his bright light kept her darkness at bay.

But I'm never gonna make it without you  
Do you really want to see me crawl  
And I'm never gonna make it like you do  
Making love out of nothing at all

She was never going to survive without him. She twisted her fingers into his silky blond locks. His smiled her favorite crooked smile as she traced all his scars with her fingers. "Jasper I cannot do this anymore. I cannot fake being in love with Edward. This scheme of me pretending to be his wife is tearing me up, I hate feeling his hands on me." She snuggled deeper into his chest. "I know sweetheart. I cannot stand the sight of his hands on you, his smell when he has been hugging you in public. I know the people in the village believe you two are married but I want to be able to claim you as my own. My personal angel." He stroked her head. "We'll make it official tomorrow mrs. Whitlock. No faking anymore for us. I love you and it is time they knew it." With a kiss he silenced the last of her fear and chased away her darkness.

**Like hate love? xxx**


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